


The Road that Leads Home

by Fluffykisses



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: AU, Death, F/M, Fluff, Grieving, Reader Insert, Slow Updates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2018-11-01 23:20:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10932123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fluffykisses/pseuds/Fluffykisses
Summary: Weeks pass by as you recover from the incident. You're left with mental scarring and nobody left to turn to until the Washington family takes you in. Luckily your best friend Josh is with you every step of the way to recovering and continuing on.





	1. The first step

You yawn, using a hand to cover your mouth as you do so, curled up tightly in the corner of the couch in the stark room you wait in.

The bags under your eyes almost make them feel heavier, but you can't help it. You're too exhausted.

 

You rub them in an attempt to help the dizzy feeling, but it doesn't seem to go. You slide further down the couch, attempting to relax in vain. Like most people think, the hospital isn't exactly the best place to be. Your hair feels oily and you long to go back and have your own bathtub filled with warm water and listen to the sound of the outside world.

But your own mind keeps you here. It's been two weeks, but you can't seem to be able to get a foot out the door without panicking. The nurses would gently coax you back inside and help you calm down, telling you it's going to be alright when your world feels like it's ending.

In a way it has.

You tap your fingers against your stomach, but a nurse is walking up to you with a little note in her hand. She doesn't let you see the paper as she sits down beside you. Her name is Melissa, if you remember correctly. She is kind.

"Hey dear... We got some news, somebody is going to be collecting you today, they are close family friends. The Washington family."

This grabs your attention and butterflies and nervousness makes you want to shake. But before you can withdraw the nurse puts a hand on your knees. "They've actually been waiting to get you, but they didn't want to make anything official until we got everything done. You're a free bird again." She smiles lightly, and it makes a small laugh bubble in your chest.

"Thank god, it's about time I get out of here huh?" You joke back, and she stands up and makes a follow me kind of motion.

The wing of the hospital you are residing in happens to be for people who are having psychological issues. But it's not all people with straight jackets and being the stereotype of insane. No, you've met a lot of interesting people over the last two weeks.

"They sent a care package too, some clothes and some things they thought would help. The rest of your belongings have been moved to their home." Melissa opens the door to the room you've been staying in and you see a soft pink tote sitting on your bed with quite a few things in it.

 

You walk over to the sterile smelling bed and start picking up the articles of clothing, and in one of the hoodies you find a note falling out. You pick it up and read it.

'(Name),

Don't worry, we (Hannah and Beth), have packed your things for you! Josh tried helping, he insisted adding that stuffed cat. See you soon!

P.S, the cat is to help you get here! I read it helps, see you soon (Name). -Josh)'

 

You set it down and in the bag you see a stuffed animal tabby cat, dark and light brown making up it's fur colors. It has a giant bow around it's neck and it has a shirt on that has a heart on it.

You've known the Washington family since you were a little girl, and it feels good to know that you'll be reunited soon.

"Close friends?" Melissa asks as she helps you by sorting out the clothing items, making sure there isn't anything harmful as it is her job.

"Yeah... I haven't seem them in about a year though." You reply quietly. There was an accident last year up at their mountain home, but luckily everyone got out alright. Hannah is now mute, and Beth lost vision in one eye but they're alright. Josh on the other hand had a harder time, but since then has seen a better psychiatrist who gave him proper help and treatment. From what you've heard they're doing a lot better.

But... As for you, almost three weeks ago your life got worse. Much worse.

Before you could dwell on it more you set down the stuffed cat and pick out a familiar pair of jeans, and some underwear. You spot something and you snatch it up quickly, and it makes the nurse almost jump. It's your mother's old sweater. You hold it close and tightly, it will be a bit too big for you but you love it. 

Melissa smiles as you inhale the scent and close your eyes, heart aching for your loss. "I'll leave you to get dressed. In about an hour, they'll be here to get you."

With the soft sound of her work shoes tapping away, finished with the soft click of the door, you change from the gown you've been stuck in and change your clothes.

Pulling on the grey sweater you feel a sense of security in it, and then you pull on the shoes, your old converse they must have found in your room. Finished, you sit on the bed, chewing at the inside of your cheek as you curl up into a ball.

It dwells on you that this limbo you've been in is going away. You're being forced forward.... Maybe you should reconsider your options.

\----------

 

 

The outside shines all too brightly and you wince in pain from it, eyes immediately closing but once you do, you hear squeals of delight.

You open your eyes and you're greeted by none other but Beth and Hannah. Hannah is making noises in the back of her throat in attempt to convey her emotions, and Beth is speaking too much for you to recognize what she is saying. All you can do is let them squeeze the life out of you as you feel tears welling up in your eyes and you hold onto them for dear life.

 

In the background, the psychiatrist watches and smiles, "Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Washington for taking her in. Given her circumstances, we weren't sure who to look for."

Mrs. Washington smiles gently and she waves a hand while watching the three girls. "Nonsense, the (last name)s were close friends, it's only fair we look after her until she can get back on her feet."

"Good to hear." The doctor turns to you and hands you two bottles of pills, the insides look like the ones you were given previous nights, but the names escaped your memory up until now. "These are for day to day anxiety, they should help within the next two weeks." He points to the bottle in your right hand filled with tablets of a pale yellow color.

He then points to the other bottle, "Those are for when you have a panic attack, take one to start and if it doesn't help, take another. They will also help with sleeping, but I would suggest trying some natural ways to help you sleep too. Bathing could help, reading a book."

"Thank you."

You are then tugged again by the Washington sisters towards them again, wanting to talk more.

You turn your head and you can see Mr. and Mrs. Washington thanking the doctor before coming over to you and practically prying the girls off you so they can give you their own bear hugs.

Bob and Melinda both are trying to speak and you can't catch all of it so you pull back, wiping tears from your eyes and looking up at Melinda who tucks your hair behind your ear.

"Oh sweetheart... We're glad to see you. Let's get you home and get you cleaned up."

"Where's Josh?" You ask, in the tote over your shoulder you have the plush cat sitting there. You always viewed him as a hero older figure, somebody who came to your aid when you needed him and cheered you on in everything you did. In return, you were there to cheer him up on bad days and convince him that he is a good person.

"He insisted on staying back to fix your room up for you." Bob explains, "We just got your things today, and he didn't want you to come from one empty room to another."

"You all really don't have to-"

"We want to. You're family to us." Melinda squeezes your shoulder before Hannah is taking your hand and leading you out the door, which you smile and follow along, holding Beth's hand with the other.

"We'll order pizza tonight, I'm sure you're sick of hospital food, and looks like you could use a little something." Beth nudges you with playful elbow, but you notice that she is treating you like you might break under the weight of that elbow. You try not to think anything of it, instead rolling your eyes. "Oh! And we have a charger in the car that you can use. I'm sure you need to charge up your phone. Everyone has been asking if you're okay."

Hannah lets go of your hand and you see she is doing ASL to Beth, who laughs, "Yeah! Hannah said that everyone wanted to come over tonight but we told them to let you settle in first."

You squeeze both their hands and see the luxurious car waiting for all of you. Bob gets in the front seat and Hannah gets in the back, then pulls you so you're sitting in the middle.

 

Sitting between the two siblings doesn't help ease your anxiety it seems.

Being in the car makes things almost ten times worse, you sob and hold tightly onto the tote, crying into the stuffed tabby cat.

You're persuaded by Beth to take the medication, it doesn't help when Hannah is nodding in agreement with her sister and rubbing your arm. You took them with a sip of water despite feeling too sick to swallow anything down.

Another ten minutes of what feels like hell later, and then you're out like a light.

 

\----------

Beth giggles as she takes a photo of you and Hannah fast asleep in the car, ten minutes away from home. The ride is certainly long, but Josh warned her to give him a heads up of when they'd arrive back home.

'Looks like the stuffed cat kinda helped. She had a panic attack an hour ago. We're almost home.'

She sends of the photo and continues to stare out the window, thinking about things.

 

Now that her and her twin sister are 19, they are looking into colleges and finding themselves. Most of their friends are in their own worlds of working and college. Their older brother has dropped out of college due to mental illness, but he is a lot better than what he used to be. Occasionally it dips but for the most part he is doing good.

They all go out to the arcade or beach, but not once have they been back to the mountains. Their parents sold the home, not wanting to go through the trauma that they went through getting their babies back from that hellhole.

She still holds a bit of a grudge against most of the so called friends that don't come around as often due to the fact they are the ones who did this to them in the first place. But at the same time she knows they didn't mean it in that way. Who would?

 

As they pull up the long driveway to their home, she pokes at you and Hannah to wake up. You're quick to snap awake, eyes widening and you jolt, which causes Hannah to blink and she fixes her glasses, eyebrows scrunching together in confusion.

With the worried looks you shrug and smile, "Sorry... Sorry. Bad dream is all."

You're quick to get out of the car to avoid the stares, putting the kitty plush into the tote and Beth walks you up the familiar steps to the large door of the mansion.

It's large and definitely big enough for awesome games of hide and seek, you know because as children you'd play. You'd always try to find Josh first as he got antsy if left alone for too long.

Before Beth could put the key into the door, it's flung open and for the third time today you're engulfed in a Washington hug. Except this one is much more careful, an arm around your middle and the other around your shoulder and a cheek pressing against the top of your head.

You relax, cheek pressed against Josh's chest and hands holding onto the back of his sweatshirt.

"Long time no see." You laugh, not willing to let go. Out of all the siblings, you two got along the most, mainly because if Josh was up to something, you were only two steps behind.

"It's been way too long. Although if I recall we did spend an hour on facetime a few weeks ago." He grins, finally taking a step back and letting you come into the entrance.

You take off your shoes, using the tall male for balance.

"And no offense, but you look like shit." He snickers, and you give him a look before digging your fingers into his side, making him immediately move and laughter peeling from his mouth.

"Hey three weeks in a hospital will do that to you." You stick out your tongue, making a face and he is dragging you along before his parents can even make it through the door, his hand on your back as he leads you up the stairs.

"We'll call you down for dinner, make sure she gets settled in." Bob calls. Josh just nods his head, but his mind is going a mile a minute.

He knows you've lost both your parents. His own told him about the car crash, the problems you faced, and it made his chest hurt. He knows you would have been there in a heartbeat for him. But he was in a hospital for a long time, but you called him every night and send care packages. Your selection of silly string and candies made waiting to get out more bearable.

 

"Do you wanna take a bath first? Hannah and Beth picked you out some stuff to use, frilly girly bubble bath stuff that smells like pure sugar." The grin hasn't left his face, but he could feel you're putting up a strong front to try and block out the pain.

"Hell yes. Hospital showers are one of the worse things ever!" You whine, and you follow him into the bathroom, where you immediately melt into giggles.

"No."

"Oh yes, nothing but the best for you princess." He makes a grand gesture to the large tub with a fluffy powder pink robe laid out along with bath towels and various products.

You shake your head, "You're over the top, you know that?"

"Only for you."

"Pssh, I know you say that to all your best friends." You tease, and he takes the tote from you.

"No, no. I am a sweet talker but no liar. Your room is the one to the left of mine."

 

With that he is out the door, it clicks shut and you lock it.

You quickly peel out of your clothes and start a bath running, but your reflection in the mirror catches your eye.

You look... Tired. Very much so. You rub your cheeks to attempt to bring some life back into them and you tilt your head from side to side.

"Who the fuck are you." You ask quietly, staring intently until you realize that it's probably silly, but it nags at the back of your mind nonetheless. So you get into the bath, sinking into the warm water and bubbles. You scrub your face, smell the different products, and just take your time. You must have spent almost an hour in the tub because somebody is knocking at the door and you realize it's Beth.

"(Name)? You alright in there?" She calls through the door.

"Yeah! I'll be out in a minute, sorry." You answer, and pull the plug so the water starts to drain. You stand, feeling exhausted but a lot better.

You dry yourself off and pull on the robe, towel drying your hair as you leave the bathroom. You're smelling a lot better, and you're feeling like you could just sleep peacefully.

But when you enter the door to the room you'll be staying in you can't help but be a little surprised.

It's... Definitely cozy. Your old mattress, but with new warmer sheets and a comforter. A blanket that was your parents' at the foot of the bed. A chest that had a pair of fluffy pajama bottoms and a shirt you recognize as a band shirt you got when you saw them in person with Josh. He must have set them out, the goofball.

You shrug out of the fluffy robe, tossing it onto the chest and pulling on the pajamas anyways. As you pull on the shirt a wave of sadness hits you again. You sit down at the foot of the bed, feeling the blanket under the tips of your fingers. It's worn and when you lay on your side with your cheek pressed against it you can smell what your home was like. Warm and inviting.

Pulling the blanket around yourself as you roll, you manage to encase yourself in the smell. It makes your heart ache for your parents and your home. You never realize how much you miss them until things like this pull you into your thoughts.

Your eyelids droop and you exhale shakily, blinking away fresh tears. You sit up and sniff, wiping at your sore eyes and trying to get a grip before everything overflows. You had enough episodes of crying yourself sleep the past three weeks.

 

Minutes go by as you collect yourself and seal away any unwanted emotions. You finally lay back against the pillows, which are fluffier than you remember, but you ignore it as you spy your phone sitting on the nightstand.

You reach for it, the device instantly coming to life and you peer curiously at it from afar. You aren't fazed by the amount of missed calls and text messages you have, most of them from friends. Some from distant family members offering their condolences for your loss. You scroll through them mindlessly as you bring the phone closer, not caring to actually swipe over to unlock your phone and read the entire messages.

A good chunk are from Chris. Good ol' Chris. Your lips curve into a weak smile and you decide to finally reply to somebody.

'Hey, thanks for all the texts dude. I'm at the Washington's. Hella tired, but we'll catch up soon.'

You hit send and scroll through the massive wall of messages he sent you within the last three weeks. Most of them asking if you were alright, others saying he missed you. You and him were close, not as close as you and Josh, but nearly there. He was your best friend since a young age too. You used to get jealous over Josh giving him more attention than you sometimes, leaving you bitter with the blond boy until Josh forced you two to talk.

 

Gentle knocking at your door makes you turn off your phone and ignore the buzzing of another text coming in.

"Yeah?" You call out, wincing a bit at how your voice sounds a bit raw from your attempt at not crying earlier.

The door opens to reveal Hannah, who smiles gently and comes inside when you lay your head back against the pillows. She comes over and she contemplates what to do to convey her message of dinner time to you, but instead she huffs and pulls on the edges of the blanket encasing most of your body.

You turn away from her with a grumble, but she rolls her eyes and takes your hand, tugging and motioning with her head towards the door. She is clearly still fed up with being unable to talk.

So you spare her some mercy and get up, bringing the blanket with you so you can follow her down the stairs.

 

 

End of chapter one


	2. Chapter 2

You slump against Joshua's chest and give into his cuddling. He has his arm around your middle and his back against the couch as he sits on the ground with two pizza boxes open next to you two. The moment you came downstairs he swooped in and told the girls you were eating dinner with him and catching up on shitty TV. Who were you to say no to that?

You are situated in your blanket still, and you can hear your cuddle buddy munching away on pizza as you watch the beginning of some cartoon you picked out from the demand TV episodes.

"You're gonna eat right?" Josh asks, nudging your untouched pizza towards you.

You shrug, "Honestly, J, I feel like shit. I'm tired and eating is the last thing on my mind right now."

This causes him to set down his own almost finished slice and he picks up a piece of yours and then your free hands. He deposits the slice into your hands, "Just eat a little bit then and see how you feel. I'm not gonna force you but you should really eat something. Hospital food is awful."

"Alright, alright, demanding..." You joke, but you smile, this one genuine. He isn't treating you like glass like the girls seem to be. You appreciate it. So you take a tiny nibble of your food as Josh returns to his with a happy hum.

One tiny nibble turns into a few, and that turns into a bite. Your stomach rumbles in need, and one slice becomes three before you know it. You end up eating your fill over watching cartoons and drinking sodas, chatting about anything and everything. From the shade of pink you like the best to the dumbest shit you heard nurses talk about.

Half eaten pizzas go back into the fridge and Josh settles back behind you again, holding you with both of his arms this time. You think nothing of it, since you were children you were both touchy individuals, often holding hands as children and sleeping in the same bed during sleepovers.

"Does it ever get better?" You ask softly, tilting your head but only getting a view of up Josh's nose.

He glances down at you and a rough fingertip touches the tip of your nose a few times before dropping back down to its original place. "It will. Just give it time. We're all here for you, just say the word and you know I'll come running." His voice is smooth and reassuring, like it's a fact that things will get better. So instead of answering you let your eyes go back to the TV and a comfortable silence reign over the room. Your heavy eyelids droop but restlessness is in your bones. It's getting close to eight in the evening so you know for a fact you can't sleep yet.

The TV clicks off as Josh sets down the remote, "Let's get you off to bed Princess. Your eyes look like they might fall out of your head at any moment." He chuckles and before you could protest he is gathering you into his arms like you're a small child. You pull back enough to give him the evils and he only laughs at your reaction.

He walks through the kitchen, using one hand to grab a bottle of water from the fridge, playfully putting it against your stomach for you to hold and you pinch his arm in retaliation. He sets two more things on you to hold, two orange pill bottles. Your gaze lingers on them as the two of you head upstairs.

You help him open the door to the room you're staying in, not quite comfortable yet to call it your own. He sets you onto the bed and then plops down himself, laying across the bed with his arms extended. You're against the pillows so you lay your legs against his stomach, making him huff out some air when the weight settles.

His eyes look at you expectantly, and you're left confused for a moment until they flicker down to the bottles in your hands. Your lips draw into a thin line, half tempted to toss the water bottle at him for making sure you take the medication like you can't do it on your own.

"I'm taking them... You should go take yours you know." You remind him gently, and his eyes soften before looking up at the ceiling.

"Mine are in the morning. Helps me sleep if I don't take them before bed." He explains, and you're silent for a moment as you pop one of the pills into your mouth and swallow it down with a couple sips of water. After all the pizza and delicious drinks, you feel stuffed. "I'm surprised you remember I still take them. Sometimes Chris gets confused and I have to remind him I still have to take them. Not like it's going away."

You set the drink on your nightstand next to your phone. The night has fully settled in, the dark windows covered by thick material curtains and the light from a lamp provides enough to see and enough to make the room cozy. You try not to yawn, your entire body feels heavy and weak. "I'm so damn tired..."

"Want me to go? Or..?" Josh sits up, one hand on your legs.

You shake your head, a little embarrassed to admit that you could use the company. "Could you maybe stay? Just for a bit?" You pick at the blanket, avoiding eye contact as you add, "It helps when somebody is there... Sleeping sucks lately."

Josh reaches over and ruffles your hair with his warm large hand and there is a smile in his voice. "I'd stay the whole night if you needed me to. Oh hey, I know what might help too!"

He reaches over into the bag by your bed and pulls out the stuffed calico cat. You look at it and you scrunch up your nose as Josh makes it walk over to you.

Snatching the stuffed animal up you look at him, playfully offended, "I am not ten Joshua."

He raises his hands in mock surrender, "Could have fooled me with how your greedy mitts grabbed it up!"

The tall male gets up, and you raise an eyebrow but he continues on, going over to a little night light that you hadn't noticed before. It's one from your childhood and you giggle. "Holy shit. You still have that thing?"

It's a dinosaur, and it plugs into the wall outlet. Josh turns it on and he grins back at you. "You think I'd get rid of it? You wouldn't ever sleep if you didn't have it in the room! I remember that time we couldn't find it and you refused to sleep until we found it. Mom was so exhausted and Dad was considering buying a new one and having it brought over even if it costed more than it was worth."

You flush at the memory but none the less get comfortable under the thick comforter. "Yeah... Sorry about that. Can't say I'm found of the dark still."

"I know." Is all he says, and he turns off the lamp, sending the room into a more comfortable sleeping setting. You feel the bed dip and fingers run up your arm before the weight settles in next to you.

The entire setting feels... Familiar. It's so much different than in the hospital. You have normalcy here. Even if it's different, it's enough to ease your mind enough to let you close your eyes without any anxious thoughts racing in your mind. The comforting presence of your best friend next to you allows you to sink further into relaxation. The gentle sounds of the outside world passing by makes you feel at peace. No more hard beds and flimsy sheets and pillows. Just your own bed with your best friend.

Full of pizza and finally relaxed enough to allow yourself to sleep, it comes easily. You are out within the hour, which was unheard of the past weeks. Your body relaxed and your arms loose around the stuffed cat.

Your breathing is deep and even.

Finally you're home and safe.

 

Light streaming through your window warms your cheek and it touches your eyes, making you rouse from your light sleep. You take a deep breath as you blink open your eyes, vision adjusting to the room.

You prop yourself up onto your elbow and glance around the room. You’re alone in the room now, the stuffed cat still situated partially under your body. You settle back down against the warmth of the bedding and allow yourself to be consumed in the silence. A lot of things happened yesterday. It almost seems like it’s a blur. You reach over and pick up your phone, eyes squinting at the bright screen that has way too many message bubbles still.

You unlock your phone this time and go to your missed phone calls first, some of them from people you don’t even have saved as contacts. You go over to the voicemails and scroll through the list, not wanting to hear the voices of people telling you that they’re sorry for your loss. Nobody is as sorry as you are.

But one message makes you curious. You don’t bother to actually play the message, instead you press it and immediately pause, reading the transcript you phone provides.

It’s from your parents’ insurance company, and when your eyes skitter across the word inheritance you scrunch up your nose and harshly press the home button. You didn’t want to hear about that right now. You were in no state to deal with that first thing in the morning.

So the text messages are opened, and you scroll through all of them before opening the conversation with Chris again.

‘Hey! Good to hear from you, do you think we can meet up soon? How is everything? Ashley is asking about you btw.’

Some things never change do they?

‘I’ve just woken up, it’s too early to hear you babble about her.’

You send it and lay on your back, scrolling down to Ashley’s name and opening it.

‘Hey (Name)! I hope you’re doing better. Chris told me you got to the Washingtons’ and I’m sure Hannah and Beth are babying you :)’

Your fingers hover over the screen as you think about what you should say.

‘Better than in a hospital, thanks for checking in. I’ll see everyone soon?’

You aren’t sure if you even can be around that many people right now, but you feel bad for everyone giving you their attention. Maybe you can just see them for a few minutes and leave. It doesn’t work that way though, does it? People would want to smother you and ask you questions. Just the thought of that makes your stomach churn uncomfortably.

So instead you leave your phone on the bed and slide out of it, groaning as your stiff muscles protest. You head into the bathroom, leaving the door to the bedroom open.

The bathroom tiles are cold on your feet, and the light above your head is too bright. You squeeze your eyes shut and paw at the sink. Your fingertips find the faucet and you twist one of the knobs, the sound of running water making you ease an eye open. There is face soap sitting by the sink so you decide to wash your face with it.

The cold water helps wake you up, but it also takes your breath away. 

 

After a minute of patting your face dry with a towel you look up into the mirror and find that you look more like yourself than you have in a while. Your skin is flushed from the cold water and your cheeks are rosy. Even your eyes seem to shine a bit brighter.

A satisfied smile crosses your lips and you turn to head out of the bathroom.

Apparently walking too fast because you bump directly into the chest of your best friend. The NAKED chest of your best friend. You stumble a bit, but you stay on your feet with a huff, holding onto Josh's arm.

"Okay, what gives? Why are you running around topless?" You ask, giving him a look.

"Me running? More like you're running directly into me. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you just saw a spider or something."

"Oh like I'd go to you for that. Last time you-"

"Ah-ah! We promised not to talk about that!" He whines, almost deflating.

"Anyways, why are you without a shirt."

"We're going swimming! C'mon, you gotta go too! Hannah and Beth are going to join later, they have homework or something to do." Josh tugs on your hand, "You have a swimsuit still right?"

You're being dragged back into the room you just left, and brought over to your dresser. Before Josh could open the top drawer you hold it shut with a nervous laugh, "Josh! Come on! Don't go through my things, I have panties and things in there that your eyes don't need to see!" You squeak, then shoo him towards the door. "Out you heathen! Out! I'll join you downstairs in a minute."

 

Once your door is shut and your face is burning from the cheeky wink that was sent your way, you sigh. You almost forgot how much he can push your buttons to the point of you losing any witty comeback. Jerk...

You rifle through your belongings, finding your bikini and pulling it on, then finding a sweatshirt to wear over the top of it just for now.

 

\----------

 

The sliding glass door draws the attention of the splashing outside, and you look up from taking off your flip flops to see Josh's eyes locked on your form. You put a hand on your hip and give him a pointed look.

"Hey. If you're going to stare, at least be a little more subtle." You close the door behind you and he shrugs.

"I just thought maybe your bruises would have healed."

"Mm." You hum, walking over to the massive pool. You sit by the end and dip your toes into the cool water. "Doctor says it'll take up to a month."

 

Joshua swims up to your form and places his forearms on your legs, then looks up at you with the tenderest gaze you've seen on his face. "Don't worry Princess, you still look beautiful. Battle scars and all."

He gives you a crooked grin that makes you smile back, running your fingers through his wet head of hair. "You're crazy. I look like something a dog brings to you to throw for it. Battered and mangled and ugly."

"You must need to see an eye doctor too then because you look stunning."

You scrunch up your nose, but small giggles escape you, making his body move slightly in the water too.

"See? You can't argue." He grins and then puts his arms around your hips. "Come on! Get in here, I brought in pool noodles and everything so you don't drown."

"Okay, a girl can't swim when she was eight and it's never let go." You peel off your sweater and set it onto the pebbled concrete. But before you could even dip a toe into the pool, the girls run out, wearing their pajamas still.

Beth seems like she just got done running a marathon, her face tinted red and her eyes flick back and forth between your form, which has one leg over the water, and Hannah's quickly moving hands.

"U-Uh! Yeah, um, (Y/N), I'm not so sure if it's a good idea for you to get in the pool, Hannah is telling me that there is something wrong with your ribs, mom said this morning and-"

Your shoulders droop, but a familiar anger flares in your chest. "Wait... What?"

"Yeah, your hurt ribs remember? The doctor's notes-"

"Hold on, Beth are you telling me you read the shit the doctor gave me?"

Her face stills and she wrings her hands together, looking over at Hannah and then getting a determined look. Josh on the other hand isn't sure what to do, he doesn't want to get between this argument... But...

"Ladies! Ladies, it's fine! It's not like (Y/N) is going to be attacked by a shark while in the pool, I just thought some exercise would be good!"

You turn to him, his words swirling in your brain. Good.... Good for you? How did these people know what's good for you. They went through your personal medical paperwork that was only for your eyes. Your only reason for staying here was because the doctor insisted on staying with somebody who could emotionally support you.

You grind your teeth, trying to bury it. Surely they don't mean anything by it, right?

You sigh, trying to let the anger melt from you. "Look, guys, don't go through my shit okay? That's up to me. I'm an adult, and I don't want to be babied at all. If I want to get in the pool, then I will get in the damn pool."

You make a point by stepping into the cooled off water, pointedly ignoring the twins and going over to a neon pool noodle.

"Okay..." Beth murmurs, and then heads inside, followed by a dejected looking Hannah.

Guilt bubbles in your chest as you sit on the pool noodle, letting your feet float off the bottom of the perfect pool.... Perhaps it was a little harsh of you. You know you look bad, but you want to keep things between people you're comfortable sharing with for now. And Hannah and Beth can be quite nosy at times... Maybe they just overheard their parents.

 

A splash snaps you out of your thoughts and when you look up, Josh is standing there with a smile, opting to take an end of the pool noodle you're sitting on and spin it gently so your body turns.

"Hey, sorry about them. They just worry, y'know?" His voice holds that soft edge to it that you've grown so fond of despite only hearing it every now and again.

You shrug, "I guess... Y'know, it'd just be nice to be treated like normal. Like I'm just a guest again. Like I'm not..." Broken. You don't utter that word, afraid of what it could mean it you admit it, or how Josh would take it. So you swallow it down and follow it up with another shrug.

"Things will be fine! C'mon, I'll tell you what, tonight you can pick out a movie and I'll pick out one and we can make shitty popcorn and hang out in the home theater. Maybe if you want Chris can come too!"

The thought of that nerd coming into movie night makes you smile and you nod, "Yeah. Yeah I'd like that. But," You turn to look at Josh's face and quirk a brow, "I swear to god Washington I am not sitting through another screening of Evil Dead, I will actually break every copy you may own if you even consider it."

His face morphs into a look of mock terror and he throws up his hands in surrender, "Okay, okay! Jeez, I can't believe you'd be so opposed to such a good movie..."

"We have watched it together so many times I think we can recite it word for word. I think it goes without saying I'm sick of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I apologize for the extremely long wait. A lot of family issues happened between May and now. I won't go too into details but I have lost a loved one and another has moved far away.
> 
> So! Onto the good stuff. If you are ever curious about an update, just let me know and I will tell you the progress I've made on the chapter.
> 
> I have finally made a good ol' flowchart of how this fic is going to go, expect around 10-15 chapters in all. I have a sort of rough theme of it all. I want to get out a chapter a month, if not more. But I am a full time college student!
> 
> This chapter is mostly filler and fluff to get our reader settled in, but it does hint about what is to come in the following chapters.
> 
> Stay safe everyone.
> 
> -Fluffy


	3. Chapter 3

Sitting at the edge of the balcony you gently strum the instrument in your lap, listening to the chords play back and then going back to tuning it. Somebody obviously has been playing on your ukulele since you last touched it.

It must have been one of the people who helped you move your things.

You gently strum the instrument again, and this time it sounds almost right. You continue to pluck at the strings absentmindedly as you stare off into the distance. There is the distant sound of cars and you can see buildings and shopping centers.

 

Not long after leaving the pool, Hannah and Beth announced that they were going out, and they attempted to drag you out but you insisted that you didn't want to go.

Josh seemed to be better at taking the hint that you needed some time alone. So he left you alone. It's been a few hours and you're just glad he hasn't tried to shove anymore food down your throat.

You haven't been very hungry... Not at all actually.

 

You pull the strings on the hoodie you're wearing as you tap your foot, getting a far off look in your eyes.

Moving in with the Washingtons has been a whirlwind of emotions for you. Sure, it's not even been a week but it somehow feels wrong still. You long to go back to your old home.

The thought seems to swirl in your mind. Home.... Home would be good. You haven't seen it in almost a full month. Could you still call it home? The doctors said you could spend time alone in the house if you want to be discharged into it, but they pushed for you to stay with close friends or family. You decided you didn't want to be alone but you are having second thoughts.

You get up, feet moving quickly into the house again and down the hallway, into the open door of your temporary room.

Tossing the items you were carrying aside, you go to your backpack and unzip the smallest of the pockets and look inside.

You find your usual items, but a set of keys catches your eyes and you pick them up delicately.

They jingle softly in your hands, the metal clinking together as you shift through them to find your house key.

Of course you would still have it!

You swallow thickly as you think about how exactly you would get there. You didn't want to bother anybody anymore than you already have. But... You didn't know any of the bus routes and you are pretty sure that you couldn't just up and walk there. Not before anybody would question you.

It's not like you haven't noticed how much Hannah and Beth were keeping an eye on you. You could barely make a move without them popping in to see what you were doing. It was... Sweet... But not what you wanted. You wanted space.

 

A plan forms in your brain and you walk over to your bed, placing the keys under your pillow and nodding to yourself. You would just have to wait for the right time to leave when everyone is busy.

 

\---------

 

The chime of the doorbell sends Josh barreling down the stairs before you could even set foot on the first step. You're half tempted to trip the big idiot but it'd probably end up sending you both down the flight of stairs and back into the hospital. Lord knows you two have had enough time in the hospital to last a few lifetimes.

So you jump down the steps, trying to put on a happy face for Chris. He had expressed how happy he is to see you and how much he missed you and Josh and that he would bring snacks.

"Bro!" Josh cheers as he opens the door, but instead of embracing his best friend, he snatches up the canvas bag Chris happens to be holding and opens it up, "Took you long enough, it's damn near seven."

"First of all," Chris grabs the bag back with a huff, now holding it closer to him, "What are you, three? Don't grab shit. Second of all, you know how long it takes me to drive here."

You make it down the stairs and clear your throat, that's when Chris' bright blue eyes land on you and the bespectacled boy smiles softly, walking past Josh to embrace you.

You immediately return it, "Hey loser." You mumble into his shoulder and he gives you a slight squeeze.

"'Sup nerd, I brought the good shit. Oh and," He pulls back so he can riffle through the bag, producing a few cards, "These are for you. I guess some of the others caught wind I was heading over and they insisted on me giving these to you."

The pastel and white colored envelopes make you want to vomit. You didn't want anything to do with them. They didn't know what you're going through, but you're sure they're all going to have the same regurgitated message of how they're there for you and things will look up.

Your nimble fingers take them and you step back, "Thanks man..." Your voice gets distant, and Josh is quick to pick up on it.

A sly, toned arm reaches around your middle and plucks the cards from your hand, "We'll read these later. For now, we have junk to prepare and a movie to watch. What's on tonight's film menu? We each get to pick one, remember?"

You're grateful for the distraction and you nod your head, "Yeah. I picked Homeward Bound."

The two boys groan in distaste for your pick in films, "Yeah well I picked Alien. The classic first one." Josh adds, and you try not to roll your eyes. You fail and he bumps his hip into your's in retaliation.

"Well, I chose Sherlock Holmes so clearly you two need to get it together." Chris makes his way towards the den where you all usually would camp out as children. You and Josh follow suit, except you take the bag from Chris once he fishes out his movie.

"I'll make the popcorn, you two go get set up. Josh can you do me a favor and get my blanket?"

"Yeah! I'll be right back Princess. Try not to burn the popcorn like you always do." He singsongs, which makes you smile, this one genuine.

"Whatever!" You shoot back, then head into the kitchen. You don't miss the small whip sound that comes from Chris' mouth, followed by a yell of surprise that is no doubt the blonde being pushed. You shrug it off as them just messing around per usual.

 

Pressing the start button on the microwave, you glance at the envelopes. Reading Ashley's couldn't hurt right?

You open it and pull out the card, it's pale white and the front of it has a vase of flowers that is in black and white. 'Sorry for your loss' is the theme obviously and you flip it open, eyes scanning over the message scrawled in her handwriting.

'(Name), I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your parents and you. I really wish I could be there for you. Be sure to give me a call soon, I'm here if you need to talk.'

You closed the card and sigh, Ashley means well. She does and you know she is just trying to reach out, but the sappy card just cements that things are very real. You didn't want to open the others so you just slide them away from you as far as your arm can reach before turning back to the microwave.

\----------

 

"I got popcorn, soda, some alcohol, and candy." You enter the room and you find the lights have already been dimmed, and the boys are already comfortable on the floor rather than the couch. It's become tradition to just lay on the floor with blankets and pillows rather than stay on the couch. It brings back a lot of good youthful memories.

Josh instantly extends his arms, eyes sparkling at the word popcorn. "So, I kinda lost the bet for the both of us. The order goes, Sherlock Holmes, and then whatever the hell. You can watch Homeward Bound next if you really want to."

You hand over the bowl as you sit down next to him, then throw a package of gummy bears at Chris. "It's fine. You can have Alien first since I know you guys aren't too into my happy films. Your damn horror and mystery. Nothing can be happy in those movies."

You're only teasing, but Josh has a look of suspicion in his eyes. Normally you'd huff until your movie was the first to be filmed. He chalks it up to your fighting spirit just being low, opting to shove a handful of popcorn into his mouth instead of pointing it out.

Chris on the other hand isn't as bright, and Josh winces as his best friend points out, "You feeling alright? We could watch Homeward Bound first if you really want to. I mean, with everything that happened."

Your eyes hold an emotion that Josh can't peg, but you look back at Chris with this look and a raised eyebrow. "Look, Chris, you won the coin toss right? I am fine. Play your geek movie before I decide to fall asleep before it even starts." You force a smirk and Chris just rolls his eyes.

"Good to see you're still as sassy as ever." He grumbles and presses play, sending the room into even further darkness.

\----------

 

"I'm gonna go grab something." You say softly, just murmured enough so you know the boys will have a hard time understanding. But they both just nod, transfixed on the screen, one of the more tense scenes of Alien playing.

You exit the den and close the door softly, immediately heading up the stairs, careful not to make a sound as you reach your first stop.

You grab your keys, wallet, and phone before toeing on your shoes and grabbing a light hoodie. You didn't plan on being out in the cold for that long anyways. You feel guilt twist in your stomach for what you're about to do, and you consider just telling them. But you don't want to. You feel like you need to do this on your own.

 

Leaving the room, you don't even realize a few important things. Your medication being a large one. But it doesn't cross your mind, as you are nearly having tunnel vision.

 

You close the door to the Washington household as quietly as you can, the well greased hinges doing their job well to not give away that you've just left the building. You sigh in relief and try to ignore the first sting of cold that penetrates your skin. The night has fully settled in and you are starting to wonder if you should turn back for something a bit warmer to wear.

 

Your feet won't turn back though as you walk down the large driveway, glancing over your shoulder every few moments to make sure that you will be able to slip out undetected.

 

\----------

 

The movie's ending credits fade in and Josh sits up further, hand lingering in the popcorn bowl that doesn't even have kernels left in it anymore.

His eyes feel heavy and he picks up his phone to check the time. It's nearing eleven thirty and he is sure your movie will drag on for quite awhile and put you all to sleep.

Speaking of... "Hey man did (Name) come back in?" Josh asks, brows coming together as he realizes she left quite awhile ago and had yet to return.

Chris looks up with raised eyebrows, "No actually..."

Both boys get to their feet, Josh leading the way out of the den and looking into the kitchen.

"Maybe she needed some time?" Chris offered, but it goes on deaf ears as Josh heads into the formal living room and then heads up the staircase to look into your room from the top step.

"Uh... Dude?" Chris' voice comes from below, "You locked the door when I came in right?" He asks.

The question sends a wave of panic crashing over the taller male and he glances over his shoulder, "Yeah I did. Fuck... Check around okay? Maybe she is just hiding somewhere."

He heads into your room, and looks around, but notices a few things. For one, your phone is off of the charger. Two, the sweater laying on your bed earlier is missing. And finally, your pillows are knocked off the bed and the shoes originally placed by your dresser are gone.

It adds up in his mind quickly, and he pulls out his phone, finding your contact and hitting the call button so quick he nearly misses it.

He brings it to his ear, heading out of the room and going to his own so he can gather up his things to go out to look for you. He isn't stupid, he pulled the disappearing act quite a few times on his family when he wasn't feeling right. But these acts always lead to him facetiming you and you convincing him to head home so you two could have a skype dinner session and just chat.

The voicemail makes his stomach twist and he ends the call and tries again.

He pops into your room one last time before heading down the stairs two at a time, when he reaches the door, your voicemail again greets his ears.

"Chris! I'm heading out to look for her, you call her and stay here just in case she gets back!" Josh yells, not caring if Chris wants to stay or go. It'd be better for you to return to the house with somebody to greet you.

With that, he throws open the door and is heading over to his car in long strides, phone still clenched in his hand.

\---------

 

It was dark inside the house.

You were shivering profusely from the walking and the bus was freezing too. Not to mention you had a panic attack on the way while riding the bus, your fingernails left marks on the back of your neck where you tried to calm yourself by scratching. It just ended up aching.

The house hadn't had any A/C going so it was like an icebox.

You turned on the light after you closed and locked the door, your chest aching as you see the house you once called home.

A fine dust settled over everything, and the smell of home was fading.

You turned on more lights in the house and wander back to your old bedroom, only pushing the door open slightly and seeing the empty room. Only carpet left behind.

Then you open the door to your mom and dad's room.

Your eyes grew glossy and your throat burned with held back tears and sobs as you laid eyes on the many pictures of your parents and you. Your mom's nightstand held a photo of your dad on their wedding night, and your dad's nightstand held a photo of you as a baby being held by your mother who looks exhausted but so happy.

You choke back a sob and let your phone and keys drop onto the floor. You sit on the edge of the foot of their bed, the smell of washed sheets just faint. A lot of things have been packed away, you have been told your Aunt has dropped by a few times to help get rid of some things that wouldn't mean much. An estate sale would be happening soon.

The rest of the house was stripped clean, but it seems your parent's room was still too much to pack away.

You rest your head down onto the blankets, vision blurry as hot tears run down your face and drip onto the bed.

You barely hear your phone buzzing insistently, choosing to ignore it. They must have caught on by now.

 

You spend a good hour just sobbing your heart out, guilt washed over you the entire time. You should have gone with them. Or they should have stayed with you. You miss them so much that it physically hurt and you weren't sure if it were because of you rubbing your eyes or yelling profanities between sobs into the blankets that made your throat raw.

The soft chime of your phone's reminding you of somebody calling makes you wonder who has been draining your phone's battery life by blowing up your phone. It could be any amount of people. But nobody you want to hear from more than the two people you are grieving over.

 

So, with barely any energy you slide off of the bed and walk over to the doorway so you can pick up your keys and phone. You turn it on and scroll through the many missed calls from Josh and Chris, and see all of the text messages.

You owe it to them to let them know you're okay.

And you planned to do so.

But fate had plans to screw with you even more, right as you slid the missed call message to the right so you could call Josh back, your phone's screen went dark and your eyes widened.

"No... Oh no no no." You murmur, fresh tears running down your cheeks as the dread starts to seep into your body all over again.

You stand on shaky legs, feeling like a newborn fawn as you head out of the room, shutting off lights as you go and hurrying to the front door. It's pitch black outside but you could care less, planning on finding a way back as soon as possible.

You lock the front door, saying a quick goodbye to the house before you head in the direction of the bus stop. Maybe if you're lucky, there will be a final bus heading in the direction you need to go...

\--------

Josh's heart sinks with every passing minute, his stomach churning anxiously as he drives through town, trying to figure out where you could have gone. Surely you couldn't have gone far if you walked! You didn't have a car, and he is sure you weren't stupid enough to try and hitch hike.

After an hour of calling, his calls would go straight to voicemail and he isn't sure if it was you turning off your phone, your phone dying, or the worst possibility, your phone being broken.

 

He decides maybe you somehow did make it to your old house. Maybe... If he is lucky.

 

And that's how in the corner of his eye, he spotted you curled up in a shaking ball at the bus stop by your family home. Your glossy and reddened eyes met his and his heart stopped.

You looked devastated, broken, but most of all, scared. You seemed so small to him right then and he flipped his car around so he could stop by the bus stop, not caring if he left his car running and the door open, parked in an illegal space.

All that mattered was that he was closing the distance between you two.

 

When he got close enough, you were in his arms, almost being crushed as he cradled the back of your head, kneeling slightly so he could have an arm around your middle too.

You held onto his shirt and shook like a leaf, and you probably would have been crying if you hadn't already exhausted all of your tears for the night. Instead you pressed your face into his shoulder and took shaky breaths.

 

It took a few minutes of him just holding you before he pulled back enough to glance down at you. He had no words. He wasn't sure what to even say.

"I'm sorry Joshua... I'm so sorry." You whisper hoarsely, looking down, "I'm sorry."

He didn't like it when you called him by his full name. He didn't like the way you apologized and didn't meet his gaze. It pulled at his heartstrings even more. He sighs softly, running his hand up and down your back.

"Don't do that again... Please. If you need to go anywhere, I don't care if it's day or night, asscrack of dawn of whenever. Come and get me. I could have died of worry." He notices that your skin is like ice to the touch and he pulls back even more, "Have you been out here all night? You're so cold."

He presses a warm and large hand to your blotchy cheek, feeling the temperature difference he shakes his head.

"No... I um.. I went back home." You murmured, and Josh mentally slaps himself. He should have known you would have made it there. You know the route from the Washingtons' to your home so well.

"Well, your ass is freezing, so c'mere." He loops an arm under your legs, still in front of you, opting to carry you like a small child back to his car. He breathes out through his nose, shoulders relaxing as your arms go around his neck and your chin rests on his shoulder.

He carries you back to the car, awkwardly getting in and sitting in the front seat with you in his lap, still not moving. He turns on the seat warmers and then coaxes you into the passenger seat. He can see you're looking around uncomfortably, a hand going to the back of your neck.

"Here." He holds out an orange bottle, "I'm sure you're stressed as hell, and it's gonna be a short ride home but you'll be okay. I'm here... And you need some rest too."

He takes your hand and deposits a peachy pill into it, waiting patiently as you swallow it down with some water from a bottle he had laying around in his car. You are still shaky, looking down at your lap. You look so tired.

Josh shrugs off his flannel and lays it over you, "Just rest it off, pumpkin. You'll be fine. I'll take you back home." He rubs your arm and you lean into the touch. His smell lingers in the long sleeve button down and you curl up with it, the warmth soaked into it greedily sapping away the iciness of your fingers.

"Thank you." You breathe out before closing your eyes. "You're really my best friend Josh."

 

End of chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got a big kick of inspiration for this story and I am very happy that I did.
> 
> This chapter is a lot of sad emotions that our character needed to get out and accept help. Things can only go uphill from here.
> 
> Also just a little side note, in this universe Josh calls the character all kinds of pathetically cute nicknames, you'll find Princess happens to be a go to, but Pumpkin is a v special one.


	4. Chapter 4

Josh breathed a sigh of relief once he glanced over at your now peaceful form, your breathing even and your face slowly starting to return to its natural color. There is still a reddish hue and he has no doubt in his mind you're going to have a slight fever unless he can wake you up long enough to get you to take some medicine and a warm bath.  
He pulls out his phone, not minding the stop sign's lengthy red light, it just gives him time to call Chris. He presses the call button and he holds the phone between his shoulder and ear. It only takes one ring before Chris answers.

"Hey, did you find her?" He asks, dread apparent in his voice. Josh feels a bit bad about not calling sooner, but he needed to take care of you before anything else.  
"Yeah, sorry I didn't call sooner Cochise. Found (Y/N) by a bus stop by her house. I feel like a dumb ass, of course she would head there." He sighs, driving slowly down the neighborhood heading to his home.

"S'good man... Jesus I was about to tear down the house looking for her too... Is she okay?"

Josh glances over at you for a moment before looking back at the road, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. "No... I'm pretty sure she had a panic attack or two and she is just exhausted dude. She got all the way to her old house and was out in the cold for who knows how long. She's probably not going to be in the best mental state. I'm almost there, you should stay the night and we can all go out for breakfast in the morning. See ya in a few."

"Later."

With that Josh lets the phone slide down to his lap and he doesn't bother to try and turn it off. He knows talking on the phone is dangerous enough as it is, but he wants to be a little more careful around you in the car. Even if you are asleep.

\----------

The sound of something banging open is what jolts you awake and you promptly sit up, your entire world spinning as you struggle to adjust to the different lighting and the sudden end in your REM cycle.

A few things come back to you, that you stumbled into the Washington household last night like a half dead rag doll, washed your face, got changed into pajamas, and immediately crashed in Josh’s room in his bed with him because you didn’t want to be alone. The night was crazy, and the last thing you remember before falling into a deep sleep was Chris sitting on the edge of the bed, a hand on your foot under the blankets, while talking to Josh about something.

You squint and try to adjust when you realize just who is standing in the doorway, completely dressed with a grin on his face. Maybe you would have been more tolerable to it if your heart wasn't racing a mile a minute and your nerves frazzled.

"Chris, I'm giving you two seconds to walk back out that door before I come over there and shove your glasses so far into your skull."

Josh's voice is thick from sleep and he has his back turned to Chris. You glance down at him and he has his eyes tightly shut as if trying to block out what just happened. He also has dark circles under his eyes, which is normal but they are showing more than usual.

"Aw c'mon dude you told me we were going to get breakfast this morning and I've been thinking about it since last night! If you two don't get up soon I'm leaving without you." He exits, leaving the door open for the sunlight to stream in through.

You lay back against the pillows again and yawn, stretching your limbs out, "Breakfast?"

"Yeah. I figured that it'd be good to get out for a while and we haven't been to our usual spot for a while." Josh grumbles back through the pillow his face is smothered in.  
You huff out a breath and keep your eyes closed, not wanting to move. The burden last night put on your body may be gone but it still weighs heavy on your mind that you could have been a burden. You feel almost numb this morning.

You rub your stomach from under your shirt, "Alright. C'mon you sloth, up and at 'em. We got breakfast to go eat."

You almost surprise yourself by saying that, even Josh’s eyebrows raise despite his eyes being closed still. You feel like… You owe it to them to go. To be there. After what you put them through last night you would rather not bail on them. They worried, you’re aware. And poor Josh got the brunt of taking care of you, which makes you feel even worse.

You sit up, tucking your legs under yourself and trying to push your hands under Josh's warm sleepy body to move him. He just chuckles and keeps his face in the pillow.  
"Fuck off..." He is giggling and it brings a smile to your face, temporarily forgetting your worries.

"Get up!" You attempt to push him but it does little to move him out of bed.

"No."

"I'm going to put ice cubes down your back if you don't get up."

"Kinky. Didn't know you were into that." Josh continues to laugh, your face heating up and you're tempted to try and shove him again.

"You're the nasty one! I'm leaving! Nasty!" You laugh, slipping out of his bed and heading to the bathroom where you could wash your face to get ready. You could hear Josh's snorting laughter the entire way.

It made your stomach feel warm in a weird way... You close the door to the bathroom and look at yourself in the mirror with a shake of the head. It's probably just hunger.

\----------

"And what'll you have?" The waitress asks, her eyes scanning over the three of you. You must have looked like quite the sight. You were bundled up in a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans, with your neck scrunched into your shoulders and your eyes glazed over as you look at the menu. You were stressed, even just the small car ride you had to take ten minutes and a tab of medication to get into the car and be okay. Josh was understanding, but Chris seemed more curious about what you were doing.

The boys have already ordered and were sipping on coffee, their own eyes looking tired as they tried to wake up despite the warm cafe air.

"Uh... I'll have the waffles and a side of hash browns. And orange juice." You hand over the menu and she writes it down, giving a quick thank you before leaving.

"No coffee?" Chris asks over the rim of the old mug he is nursing.

You shrug, feeling a little out of place. Normally you would never turn down a good mug of fresh coffee with plenty of milk and sugar. "Can't... Last time I had caffeine it wasn't okay."

Josh glances at you, and you can feel his gaze settle on the nape of your neck, which you make a point to brush your hair over and nudge him with your leg to his own.

"So Chris how are things with Ashley?" You ask, turning the topic to something you can drone out.

"Things are good! I talked to her a bit last night but she wants to see you soon y'know? She offered to take you out to the mall soon."

That makes you thin your lips and you want to kick Chris for treating you like a child. You weren't something to take out to the mall or to a shopping place like a doll. "That's nice of her, maybe... Maybe we'll go soon. I'll text her."

No you won't. That was a little lie.

You thank the waitress as she drops off the orange juice.

Josh sets down his coffee, “You know Chris, the mall is like… A half an hour and a lot of traffic from here. I’m just saying dude, it’s probably not a good idea for now. (Name) is right, it’s nice of Ashley to offer but it’d not be a good idea.”

You’re kind of baffled that he caught you in your lie and was so quick to bail you out, but the thought of not having to go makes your shoulders relax and you almost sigh in relief.

Chris is a little embarrassed, realizing that he didn’t fully think through his actions. “Sorry, (Name), I just thought that maybe you and Ashley could spend some time together. She wants to get to know you since uh…” He trails off, eyes meeting Josh’s which stare into Chris’s with a look of almost warning. Chris instead clears his throat, “Yeah.”

You are even more baffled, watching the small stare down between your two friends, trying to take a sip of juice through your straw and almost missing and poking your eye.  
“Right. Well she can always just call me or something and maybe come over.” You offer, “Online shopping is a thing if she wants my help with picking out something.”

Chris’s eyes light up, “Yeah! That’s the reason I think. She wants your opinion on some clothes… New fashion choices I guess for the season.” He adverts his eyes, and you can immediately tell he is lying. After years of knowing somebody, you have learned to pick up on their body language.

“Hm.” You hum, instead turning to Josh, “I think I know somebody who could also use a little fashion advice.” You snicker as he gives you a little look, though he has a smirk on his face.

“Fine, we’ll just see next time who will lend you their bad fashion taste flannels when you need them.” He teases back, and you put a hand over your chest in mock offense.  
“You wouldn’t dare!”

Conversation seems easy and normal, it’s easy to forget what just what happened when you get untangled from the past. You feel the pressure in your chest lighten and for the first time in weeks, you genuinely feel moments of normalcy. You and Josh messing with Chris for being on his phone or gushing about Ashley, and of course you feel comfortable leaning on Josh for warmth or throwing straw wrappers at him.

But it doesn’t stay for long. Your eyes look up when you see your food coming, but your gaze catches a booth of a young teenage girl with her father sitting and eating. They are obviously happy, the daughter telling her dad something and her dad just as quick to reply.

You continue to watch until the waitress’s arm setting down your plate blocks your view, and when you look down you suddenly don’t feel hungry anymore. You murmur a thank you when the waitress’s eyes linger on you but you give her a fake smile, something neither of the boys with you see. You’re quick to drop it once she finishes setting down everything.

You give another glance to the booth with the daughter and father, memories of eating with your family filling your brain. You know you’d never be able to do it again. If you had the chance to go back for just one more family meal together like that you’d give anything.

Josh and Chris’s chattering and starting munching seems distant to you and you just stare at your food blankly. Your appetite is gone and you feel sad and angry and suddenly want to leave. But you also feel obligated to stay with the boys. Luckily your medicine is still in effect so you don’t feel the need to run away, but everything is off.

After a minute or two of cutting into his food, Chris perks up and notices your blank stare into your food which hasn’t been touched.

“Is it wrong or something?” He asks, swallowing.

Josh glances over and his eyebrows knit together, wanting to ask the same thing. He isn’t sure what could be wrong, you were fine just a few minutes ago.

You glance up, looking at both of them and then shaking your head. “I’m just… I’m not hungry right now. Stomach doesn’t feel right.”

Josh doesn’t look convinced, Chris looks skeptical but he doesn’t say anything more and goes back to eating. When he sees Josh continuing to look at you, he pipes up, “You can always take it home to eat later… Not sure how good it’ll be but it’s better than not eating a meal you pay for.”

Josh catches the hint and he nods, “Yeah… Just get a box if you really can’t eat.” He smiles reassuringly and bumps his shoulder to yours’ gently before going back to his own plate of food.

You smile back, but it wobbles back into a little frown and you look down at your plate, stomach feeling sick almost. You pick up the syrup from the plate and pour it onto your waffles, the thick liquid coating the breakfast item and you pick up your fork.

Genuinely trying to eat is hard when it’s not enjoyable. It’s sweet, the hash browns are salty, and the eggs are done nicely but you manage only a few bites of each. You don’t feel like eating anything more, instead sipping on some water as you watch the boys eat their food. You watch Josh mostly, wondering how he did it. He always seemed so strong… Even being diagnosed with severe depression to the point of going out of his way to harm himself with excessive drinking, he seemed so strong and you didn’t realize how bad it was until he was hospitalized for a combination of reasons.

You put your fork down and lean over to rest against Josh, and he instinctively wraps an arm around your shoulders. You appreciate it, and when your gaze floats over to the booth from earlier, it’s now empty. You look around for the daughter and father duo, and spot them getting into an old truck. You hope they get safely home.

\---------

Lying in bed felt too good. Once you said your goodbyes to Chris, you immediately left back up to your room in the Washington’s household and you closed the door behind you. Josh didn’t bother you with eating any more of your meal, it was tucked away in the fridge with countless other items.

You didn’t want to be bothered, not that any of the loving people you were staying with would do that. But you just wanted to be left alone.

It was getting dark, and you weren’t hungry still. Beth did try to drag you out for lunch, but instead she left you a sandwich that sits untouched still on your bedside table.

You were busy with more important things. Like scrolling through and getting rid of the endless number of family members who were trying to contact you through texts or calls. 

You hated it. The only one you tolerated was your Aunt, who was giving you space.

You paused on her messages, only a few of them there.

‘Hello dear, I hear you’re in the hospital and I just hope you are doing ok. I am getting by. I miss them too.’

‘Hi again, anytime you need to talk I am here. Please do not worry about attorneys and money, your mother a long time ago appointed me to deal with these things in case of anything happening. Just take care of yourself.’

‘Hello, just checking in. Please keep me updated as I am concerned for you. I love you very much. Burlap misses you too.’

The last one brings a small smile to your lips, Burlap was your Aunt’s hissy old house cat who only loves very few people. You go to her contact page and press the call button.

Within a few rings, a woman’s voice answers, “Hello dear! Oh my goodness I was just thinking about you. Are you alright? How has everything been, oh god I’m sorry I’m rambling.”

You can tell the similarities between her voice and your mother’s, the little laugh reminds you of her. “Hi… Well I got out of the hospital about a week ago. I’m sorry for not calling you sooner.”

“Don’t worry about that hon.” She hums, and you can tell she is stirring a pot of something, the sound of a wooden spoon hitting metal. She must be cooking dinner for herself and her boyfriend. You never really had an uncle figure. “How are you holding up?”

“To be honest… Not so good. I…” Your throat feels constricted and you take a deep breath to try and soothe it, “I miss them a lot.”

Your Aunt picks up the tone change and the tightness in your voice, and she puts down her spoon, the light tap of a wooden utensil being placed on a ceramic dish. “I know…” Her voice grows soft, “I miss them too. She was my only sister. And she was your mother. But we both need to be strong for both of them.”

You can’t hold in a sniffle, a few tears pooling in your eyes and spilling onto your cheeks and onto your pillow. “It’s hard. It’s so hard without them. I don’t want anybody else besides them and they’re gone.” Your words come out a tad louder than you intent. “I want them back but I know they’re gone.”

Your aunt stays quiet, and you can hear soft sniffling of her own on the other end through your own tears.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to make you cry too.” You laugh through the tears.

She chuckles warmly, though it’s hoarse. “It’s okay. It’ll be hard for a long time. But you have people around you who love you very much. We have things we need to discuss soon, about the funeral. We shouldn’t delay it much longer should we?”

“No… We shouldn’t… What can I do to help?” You wipe away tears as they come, knowing your Aunt is right. Your parents deserved a proper funeral.

“You just put on something nice for them, me and Bernie will do what we can with some help. I’ll keep in touch.”

“I think I can do that.”

“One more thing before I go dear?”

“Yes?” You curiously ask, wondering if she could need something.

“Don’t push help away. Your people are here for you and if you need it, well damn well take it, you hear me? You take care of yourself because your parents loved you and they would want you to.”

You open your mouth to say something, but you let her words sink in. You know your parents would want you to continue on. They would want you to eat, to love, to go out into the world and live. But it’s hard without them. Maybe you could consider your aunt’s advice of taking people’s help.

“I will try my best. I love you.”

“I love you too. Sleep tight tonight sweetie.”

With that you hang up your phone, heart sinking. You glance at the time, it’s nearing seven at night. Your stomach rumbles and you wonder if you could sneak into the kitchen for something other and a sandwich that has been sitting out for hours.

You slide out of bed, stretching your legs. You pick up the plate with the food on it, figuring you would put it back into the kitchen instead of leaving it there. It occurs to you just how long it has been since your last full meal and your stomach complains with a slight pain.

Cracking open the bedroom door, you poke your head out and hear distant chattering from down the hall, but nothing that seems to be concerning. Walking over to the stairwell, the chattering grows distant and you assume the Washington parents are out again and that you are home free unless Josh is lurking around somewhere.

You pad down the stairs, plotting in your head to make something easy but filling and not too messy. You could just heat something up but you figure making pasta would be much better. Give you something to do and a home cooked meal.

Walking through the large formal living room and past the dining room, you find the kitchen empty. Perfect. You don’t at all feel uncomfortable since you have cooked at the Washington’s household before and they always say use the kitchen whenever you like.

\---------

Josh gets up from his laptop, closing it and heading away from his desk. He should probably check up on you since it was nearing seven twenty and he isn’t sure if you have moved from your spot on your bed. He didn’t have the heart to try and bother you at all. He knew you needed time, so he let you be. He had no idea if you had eaten, but you had gotten up a few times to use the bathroom or stretch your legs. From what Beth told him, you refused her offering of lunch, but thanked her anyways. Hannah wasn’t pleased but he told them that it’d take some time.

He heads out into the hallway and heads to the room right next to his, surprised to find the door ajar. He looks in, and the lamp on the bedside table is on, but you are out of bed. He does a glance around the room and you are indeed not there. It’s a good sign… As long as you’re not just in the bathroom. He looks there next, but the bathroom door is empty and he suddenly has a sinking feeling. You didn’t run off again did you? Surely you wouldn’t.

He takes the stairs two at a time, but notices the door is still locked when he gets to the bottom of them. They haven’t gotten you a house key made yet, he planned on doing it tomorrow.

“Where the hell…” He mutters under his breath, but then his ears pick up something from another room. Noises of whisking and the overhead fan being on. Over his years of living in the Washington house he has learned the distinct sound of that fan is from the kitchen.

Josh makes his way into the kitchen, and pauses in the doorway, stunned but happy to see the sight before him.

You are whisking a pan of sauce, a pot beside it on the massive stove boiling with some kind of pasta in it. The overhead fan is so the steam doesn’t get all over the overhead lights, and you were the source of the other sounds.

You turn your head, sensing eyes on you and you nearly drop the whisk in your hand. You narrow your eyes, but Josh notices they’re slightly red. You’ve been crying recently. His makes him tilt his head, he leans against the doorway, not expecting an answer, instead just curious.

“I think I made too much if you want any.” You offer, “I’m making fettuccine alfredo.”

A smile tugs at his lips, and he nods, “Hell yeah I want pasta. Anything I can do to help Princess?”

Your shoulders relax and suddenly the silence and crushing alone feeling you felt while cooking was lifted. You enjoyed cooking, but the silence was too much and you felt better now that Josh was in the room.

“Yeah, do you think you have enough muscles to drain the pasta? The sauce is pretty much done.” You set down the whisk and turn to the male and he rolls his eyes.

“Just watch these muscles.” He takes the pot and carefully drains the pasta into the strainer already in the sink, and then once he is done shaking out the excess water he brings it over, proud of himself. You take the pasta with a little laugh, pouring it into the pan of sauce then handing the strainer back to Josh.

It becomes natural, he gets down two plates and you dish yourself both up food. You also get some drinks from the fridge before you both sit down at the kitchen island where the bar stools are. You are sitting close, almost elbow to elbow.

He watches you from the corner of his eye, relieved as he sees you take a bite of food. You seem to be much more… Content.

“I’m glad you’re eating again. I’m not going to force you, but skipping meals isn’t a good habit to get into.” He takes a bite of his own food, humming contently, “You’re a pretty good cook too.”

“Thanks. And I just wasn’t hungry. But I called my Aunt a little bit ago.”

That makes him turn his whole body towards you practically, “Really? How was that?” He knows of your Aunt, and has met her once or twice. She seemed extremely close with your mother and loved her niece to bits as she didn’t have any children of her own.

“She told me to take care of myself. And that I should take help if I needed it.” You don’t mention the part about the funeral, not feeling like talking about it and bringing down your mood. You nudge your knee to Josh’s. “Go back to eating dork, I don’t like being watched like that.” You smile as you tease him and he huffs a laugh before turning back and putting his fork back into his food.

“She’s right though you know. You helped me as much as you could when I was in a bad place. Let me help you.” His tone is genuine and it makes you think that maybe it’d be okay to let him in more. “Just tell me what’s going on and I’ll try my best to help.”

You pause and think it over. Letting in your best friend wouldn’t hurt. You could at least let him know. “Well, I was formally diagnosed with PTSD and panic disorder after what happened… And I get panic attacks while in the car because of obvious reason and I don’t want to be in the car.”

“We can work on that. You can drive, or I can drive and we’ll figure it out.” Josh sounds very convinced that you can get better that it makes you feel more confident in telling him. You appreciate he isn’t trying to apologize or sugar coat things.

“And I miss my family a lot and it’s hard because I get a lot of emotions all at once and I get in moods where I don’t want anybody besides them.” You twirl around your pasta on your fork, your stomach feeling already better with something in it, “And when I get like that I don’t want to eat or do anything.”

“That’s normal I think. You still have to work through it though right?”

“Yeah… You’re right. But I think I can work through it. You help a lot too.” You smile at him, and he pauses, looking back at you. He returns that smile and nods.  
“You know I’m here for you, always.”

You two continue to eat your meal peacefully, going on to talk about more mundane things. Josh talks about his gaming session with Chris and how he still doesn’t understand the game very well, and you tell him about a series you want to catch up on and how much you miss it.

What you both miss is Bob and Melinda coming home after their date and them two sneaking upstairs to leave you both be, them both quietly chattering how happy they are to see you at least trying to continue on with your life.

\---------

It’s roughly eight in the morning when your door is knocked on, and then two adult but still teenage girls come barreling in.

You sit up, very confused as you spot not only Hannah and Beth, but Sam too. You sink back down slightly, taking a deep breath. “What is going on?” You ask groggily, laying back down and noticing you’re half laying half holding the stuffed cat that has become a permanent part of your bed.

“What, no hey I’ve missed you?” Sam teases, and you just laugh despite wanting to throw a pillow at her as she sits down on the edge of your bed.

“Hannah and I were thinking you needed some girl time!” Beth explains, “You know… Go get a haircut, do some shopping, maybe get some lunch, I’m sure it’s been awhile and we don’t have to be in the car for more than like ten minutes I promise the rest of it we’ll walk and we’ll come right back if you don’t feel good.”

Beth and Hannah both sit with Sam on your bed, and you want to close your eyes again and go back to sleep. You have been having bad dreams, or vivid ones at that. They wake you up a lot during the night and you feel too stubborn to take anything to help sleep just yet.

All three girls see your hesitation. Hannah reaches over and rubs your back gently, then the hand is gone for a moment and Sam giggles, she must have picked up some sign language too or known it before. You wouldn’t be surprised, Sam has been learning more about conservation and is taking some kind of college education to obtain her dream job along many other impressive things.

“What?” You lift your head from your pillow and raise an eyebrow, looking from one to another at the three of them.

“Oh, Hannah was just saying that if it made you feel any better, Josh could come too. Or possibly come pick you up if you need him to.” Beth explains, though there is a smile on her face telling you she might be keeping something else secret.

“You really think he will agree to go on a girls’ day out?” Sam asks with a laugh, and Hannah gently nudges her with a grin.

“Okay, you know what, I am going to get ready, I’ll think about what I need, but you all need to get going and go find something to do in the meantime.” You cut their weird conversation short, unsure of what they are saying but knowing it needs to be cut in a gentle way. You watch them all go, Beth giggling to herself and Hannah and Sam still smiling knowingly.

When your door is shut, you lay back down and yawn. It’s going to be another long day for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long wait on this chapter! I had college courses that required my attention of writing fully, three classes in a row that all had essays due almost every week. I will try my best to do a chapter a month (my promises are so bad I'm sorry). I was also unhappy with the way the chapter was going halfway into writing it and scrapped it. As some of you may have noticed, I do 5k words a chapter. So rewriting that was a toughie.  
> But as always,
> 
> Stay safe,  
> -Fluffy

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note:  
> So, some preface. This story is an AU, but not one that leaves the message of Until Dawn behind. There is a lot of trauma that the incident caused but in this story, the characters get the help they need.
> 
> Enter our protagonist, written in second person in a female perspective. I try to leave physical attributes vague so it's as immersive as possible.
> 
> This story deals with PTSD and a lot of anxiety and panic. It will also deal with sleeping problems such as insomnia and night terrors. If you are sensitive to that kind of material, I suggest you try to stay clear of this story. It will also deal with other sensitive material later on, possibly sexual content.
> 
> I haven't written a fic in years, and I'm not sure how long this one will be, but it is dealing with the process of grief and overcoming new mental disorders caused by accidents.
> 
> I, the author, have generalized anxiety and panic disorder. I have been formally diagnosed, and I would like to say in this story the character's mental disorders aren't going to be treated as some accessory. Neither will Josh's.
> 
>  
> 
> As far as updates go, I'll try and get them out every month or two. This first chapter was written months ago and I've added a few more paragraphs and touched it up so my writing may be a bit different in chapter two.
> 
> Thank you all so much for the support, it means so much!
> 
> Stay safe and hydrated lovelies


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